I sometimes wonder why we do not all constantly feel this way. With an infinite universe in all directions, and an amorphous consciousness with no parameters beyond the limits of our imagination(or psychedelics), how are we expected to grasp even the tiniest morsel of reality?
Thankfully, God made me an inquisitive boy. In my early twenties I began to wonder why I believe what I believe. Why does more than half the world disagree with me? Why do I believe so blindly? What is the virtue in that?
Avedon has been an inspiring figure to me in many ways, not only through his photographs, but the way he lived his life, the way he worked with his subjects, and how he continued to evolve throughout his career.
I asked my friend and mentor, David Zalkind, to come sit for us while I learned some new lights. I have known David for many years. We first met when he asked me to be his cinematographer for a short film he was directing in New Orleans. My very first thought when I met him was, "That's Woody Allen". It wasn't. But we have since become good friends and he has imparted much of his wisdom to me over the years.
This kind of spontaneous photography is always fulfilling by virtue of its mysterious ignition. I was not asked or paid to do it, I just did it because at the time, I felt I had to. I was not compelled to write, or to go shopping, or anything else. I was compelled to shoot and that is as far as I understand.
They are buying rings and doormats and couple's gym memberships. They hold hands and talk about the future and spend time with each others' parents. They welcome all forms of attention- an online "pat on the back", awesome gifts, bachelor parties, trust funds. I am not saying they get married only for the onslaught of wedding gifts and facebook likes...but man, I too would like a free KitchenAid Stand Mixer. Well, 2 to 50 years of marriage doesn't exactly qualify as "free". It doesn't bother me. I'm a happy single man with no gifts.
This periodical section of my website will host all of my experimentation, new ideas, and anything else that I’m working on. Mostly photos, some writing, and maybe even some other interesting projects. I have been shooting about one roll of film per week. I have been sending my favorites from each roll to a small group of artists-friends who offer critique and general feedback. The problem with this process is that it limits the exposure of my work to only a few people.
It took about one week before I spiraled into an existential crisis that left me intellectually paralyzed and emotionally numb. It was as if I woke up from sleep, someone turned on the lights, and nothing was there. I was lost in ways I never knew were possible.
If alcohol is a social lubricant, coffee is a social catalyst. Sometimes, coffee is not coffee. Sometimes, coffee is an excuse to see someone. Sometimes, coffee is date without the implications of alcohol.
If I were to say that my mind wanders, I do not mean aimlessly. I mean aggressively, insatiably introspectively. Sometimes I will dwell on a single personal issue for 2 hours, without losing focus. But then, at the end, when I decide to let go, when I make that final effort to move on, for good, something happens-
I am sitting at gate C10 at an airport in New Orleans. I am heading to Los Angeles for a meeting this evening, and shortly after I will be leaving for Australia, New Zealand, Thailand, and China. More on that in a minute. Or an hour, depending on how slow you read.